I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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