so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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