finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bring me that man meat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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