i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
