I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
