did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
