I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
