i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
