My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to get me chipped asap
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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