If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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