I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
