That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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