it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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