Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
