Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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