Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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