the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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