I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
