Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
