I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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