who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
