watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize