I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
