He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
