Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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