YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
