I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
