He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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