I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
