she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
