who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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