They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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