he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you would pick up someone in the library
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
