Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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