I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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