good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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