it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
