nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
