Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
