It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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