I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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