and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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