how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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