Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
