M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
