You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
