My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
