Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
