so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
