And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
