I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
