You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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