Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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