I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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