i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
