I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
