We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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