you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
