I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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