I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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