we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
