How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The Olympian is in my bed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
