the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
