Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
