I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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