Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
