Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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