At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
ttyl tear gas
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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