Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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