I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
