i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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